Should we talk to them about masturbation? 2026

Most parents agree that it is important to provide good sexual education to their children, but very few directly address the issue of masturbation with their adolescents. Perhaps because they consider it something more intimate, because they do not see it as a risky practice (pregnancy does not result from it) or because they do not feel comfortable talking about it, the fact is that many boys and girls reveal that their parents, teachers and educators have never explained anything about it to them.

It fulfills an important function

However, masturbation is the way to begin sexuality for most people and plays a very important role in emotional and sexual life. Practically from the moment we are born, caressing our external genitals produces a pleasant sensation. Some boys and girls masturbate from a very early age, others will take longer.

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Before puberty arrives, girls should know what a period is before it appears and boys should know what the first erotic dreams and the first pollutions (ejaculations during sleep) are before they appear. Boys (including both sexes) need the most practical information possible. It is good that as parents (it does not have to be a man in the case of boys, nor the mother in the case of girls, although logically this makes it easier) you explain to them that it is normal for them to have exciting dreams, and in the case of boys to wake up after having ejaculated. This means that your body is growing normally. For example, one way to naturalize it is to ask them to wash the sheets themselves in the morning.

We must tell them that masturbation is something natural and healthy, and the main expression of sexuality in adolescence. It is not about explaining all the physiology to them (we can leave them a book on sexual education appropriate to their age). The most important thing is to convey to them that it is something positive, a way to relate to their own body in intimacy (emphasizing this aspect: it is best to do it in bed or in the shower). And in addition to being a way to prepare for adult sexual life, it serves to relax, relieve tension or fall asleep.

Girls should be educated that there is nothing wrong with knowing their body (whether or not it coincides with the first rule): observe their genitals with a mirror, discover the clitoris and, little by little, explore that area and the sensations it produces in privacy.

Get to know yourself better

Teenage girls often have difficulty accepting and loving their bodies. Knowing that their body allows them to experience pleasure for themselves often helps them better accept the changes they are experiencing. We can advise them to try stroking themselves before falling asleep or in the shower, for example. Masturbation is a way of expressing affection for one's own body and, in that sense, it can promote self-esteem.

In both cases, both boys and girls need us to also explain to them how these changes occur in the other sex. It is good to ask them about what their friends say. They have often heard things or expressions that they do not understand or that worry them, but they do not dare to ask us anything. We must also point out that one thing is fantasies, images that come to mind when we masturbate, and another is reality. They should not be afraid, then, of their fantasies: after all, they are just that, imaginations that do not have to happen.

As parents, we probably prefer that they practice masturbation rather than having sexual relations at an early age or in a traumatic way. They must know that in relationships there are a series of steps and a path that is followed little by little. Masturbation allows us to know our own body very well and know what we like. So the day you plan to have sexual relations, you can start with masturbation as a couple, which is a good way to get to know each other and practice safe sex.