A first piece of advice is not to make comparisons between siblings. A method that also works is that, when there is a fight between siblings, the parents calm them down and encourage them to explain their reasons as calmly as possible.
Each person must be taught to take into account the feelings of others and the effects of their behavior on them.
Then they should be encouraged to make their own suggestions to solve the problem. You have to listen patiently and take all their ideas into account, trying to find a solution that is as satisfactory as possible for both of you.
Only if they do not generate ideas will we propose ours, but we must encourage them to present theirs. It is about assimilating that there is always a possible solution, satisfactory for both parties, although both must also give in a little, and that they can learn to find the solution.
To avoid fights between siblings, it is important to educate them in values and understand the importance of respecting others.
- Teach them to share. Let them understand that there are things they have in common, and nothing happens at all. We will all have our time to enjoy things taking turns.
- Be equitable when giving them affection, so that they do not feel that we love one more than the other regardless of what we share with each one. If one likes the same things as us, and the other doesn't, we must find meeting points to stay connected to him anyway.
- Manners are important, that is, the basis for avoiding fights is that they know how to ask for things please and not suddenly take things out of their hands.
- The influences they receive are important. If they see violent drawings, or play games in which insults abound, they will learn these behaviors as normal.
Solution for arguments between siblings in five steps
1.Each child presents his or her point of view.
2.To make sure that the other understands it, repeat it in your own words (if he is very little we help him a little).
3.Both children review and weigh the possible solutions (we can also help them).
4.Choose an outcome that satisfies both of you.
5.They plan how to get it started. All with our help, but without replacing them.
It is not very complicated, all parents can try it. The results will not be seen overnight, but they will eventually be seen.
How to act in conflict situations:
- Know them in advance and establish rules for these situations (food, car, games, TV...). What is allowed and what is not, and how each child should act specifically.
- Ignore minor disputes. When conflicts arise, use the “countdown” technique. You will say: I count to 30 so that you can solve the conflict: thirty, twenty-nine... If it is not solved, use “Time Out”, withdrawal of privileges and other measures.
- In unacceptable behavior, act immediately: in attacks or degrading insults, use: “Time out”, withdrawal of privileges...
- Teach, in quiet moments, how to resolve conflicts: how to ask “please”, reach an agreement... and investigate who is to blame for the disputes, to avoid always taking action with the same person.
- Collaboration and good behavior can be rewarded at the beginning.
Whoever has a brother has a treasure
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