How the capacity to love develops in early childhood years 2026

The capacity to love is largely shaped by early experiences, and the period surrounding birth plays a decisive role in how it develops. What happens in the first hours of life, and how adults respond to a newborn, quietly sets patterns that last.

This article looks at how labour hormones support bonding, what disturbs the process, and how respectful, non-violent education protects a child's ability to connect with others.

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Quick takeaways

• The capacity to love is largely shaped by early experiences around birth.
• Physiological birth relies on hormones from the primitive brain.
• Bright light, language and feeling observed can disturb labour.
• Oxytocin and prolactin support early mother-baby interaction.
• More received love builds more capacity to love.
• Non-violent, responsive education protects empathy over time.

Why the period around birth matters

The researcher Michel Odent, who spent years running maternity services, argues that the ecology of pregnancy and birth is the most vital form of human ecology. In his view, the capacity to love is determined to a great extent by early experiences, and the time around birth is the critical link.

He suggests that solving the urgent problems facing humanity cannot rest only on changing social structures, research priorities, technology or trade. It first requires developing the many aspects of the capacity to love, including compassion for generations not yet conceived. That is why he insists we must rethink how human babies are born, so the first contact between mother and newborn is disturbed as little as possible.

A question of priorities

For parents, this is less about ideology than about small choices: who is present, how calm the room is, how much the mother is left undisturbed. These details shape the atmosphere in which a family first meets.

What a physiological birth actually means

Odent advocates what he calls physiological birth. The term does not mean every birth must follow one script; it describes a reference point we should not drift too far from when we think in terms of human love. To give birth, a woman releases a cocktail of hormones from the deep part of the brain that works like a gland, including oxytocin, endorphins, prolactin and ACTH.

The most active part of her body during labour is therefore the primitive brain. The process is disturbed when the upper brain, the neocortex, is stimulated — for example when a midwife asks for a postcode or social security number, or when a woman feels watched by a camera. Many parents discover this when preparing a calm space at home, much like choosing independent play toys for a quiet room.

To keep the intellect at rest, it helps to avoid stimulating the neocortex through language, bright light, the feeling of being observed, and any sense of insecurity, since adrenaline tends to inhibit labour. Intimacy and dim light are basic needs here, and partners can support them as parenting allies. The same need for calm and closeness carries into the postpartum weeks, when many couples notice a lack of libido and benefit from working from home tips that protect rest.

How birth hormones build the capacity to love

The hormones released by mother and baby during birth are not eliminated immediately, and each plays a specific role in the early interaction. Right after birth, oxytocin — needed for contractions and linked to altruism and openness — complements prolactin, the hormone of breastfeeding and nurturing.

Adrenaline disturbs labour when released early or during it, but in the final phase the mother's brain releases endorphins. She is alert just as the baby arrives, and this triggers protective behaviour. The baby also releases endorphin-family hormones to cope with the brief lack of oxygen, which is why newborns arrive with wide-open eyes — helpful, since eye contact supports attachment.

The more oxytocin we receive, the more oxytocin receptors we develop: the more love we receive, the more we are able to love. This process starts at birth and continues with breastfeeding, and it echoes the closeness many families feel during simple rituals such as Christmas recipes made together.

What happens when the process is disturbed

Odent regrets that, regarding human birth, we are in an unprecedented situation: most cultures interfere with the first contact between mother and baby. These disturbances vary in nature and degree across places and eras. Examples include denying the need for intimacy during labour, stimulating the prefrontal cortex with bright light or questions, and large, bright, very clean delivery rooms.

Other examples include judging a labouring woman negatively for crying out or behaving like an "animal", which is linked to a shift in consciousness caused by the hormone cocktail. Some cultures also transmit beliefs that weaken this first bond, and the effects can ripple into daily family life, from newborn acne worries to how parents respond to a crying baby. These early moments are also why many families create a time capsule to preserve them.

Protecting the first hours

Keeping the room calm, limiting unnecessary questions and allowing skin-to-skin contact are practical ways to reduce interference. Even small adjustments help a family settle into the closeness described in always together moments after birth.

Non-violent education protects the capacity to love

If early experiences shape the capacity to love, then education matters just as much as birth. Non-violent education means responding to a child's needs without humiliation or physical punishment, and modelling the empathy we hope to see. A parent who stays calm during a tantrum teaches more than a lecture ever could.

This approach also means accepting that children learn through play and repetition, much like the open-ended fun of toys for five year olds or the simpler discoveries of toys for three year olds. Choosing age-appropriate activities supports confidence rather than pressure.

Respectful parenting does not require perfection. It requires repair: acknowledging a sharp word, reconnecting, and showing that love survives conflict. That consistency is what children internalise, and it is the everyday version of the protective first contact described above.

My hands-on take

Frequently asked questions

What does "physiological birth" mean?

It describes a birth left as undisturbed as possible, guided by the mother's hormones rather than by routines. It is a reference point, not a rigid rule every birth must follow.

Why does eye contact matter after birth?

Newborns arrive with wide-open eyes thanks to endorphins, and mutual gaze supports early attachment. It is one of the first ways mother and baby connect.

Can the capacity to love still develop later?

Yes. Early experiences set patterns, but responsive, non-violent parenting continues to build empathy throughout childhood. Repair and consistency matter at every age.

Does this mean medical care should be avoided?

No. The point is to reduce unnecessary interference with the first contact, not to refuse help. Safety and calm can go together.