My son's brain: a house under construction 2026

Daniel J. Siegel uses, among others, the metaphor of a house to explain the parts of the brain:

Let's imagine that the brain is a two-story house. The ground floor is where the basic needs of the family are met, there would be the kitchen, a bathroom, a dining room, etc. Making the parallel with the brain, the ground floor would be the lower brain that includes the brain stem and the limbic system. These parts correspond, according to scientists, to the primitive brain, the first to form and in charge of basic functions (breathing, heartbeat, blinking, etc.), automatic reactions and impulses (in the face of danger: flight, fight or paralysis) and strong emotions (such as anger and fear).

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We could imagine the upper floor of our house as a wonderful and orderly library full of light, tranquility and comfort, with large windows and skylights that allow us to see the outside very clearly. Nice right? Well, that plant corresponds to the upper brain, composed of the cerebral cortex and its different parts, where the most complex mental processes take place, such as thinking, imagination and planning. It is the part of the brain responsible for important skills and abilities that every parent hopes to see in their child:

Where do you start building a house?

Indeed, on the ground floor. This plant is “almost” ready at birth, and we will only have to keep it clean and in order for everything to work correctly.

However, the upper floor, our higher brain, is another matter, it requires the accumulation of events and experiences that allow it to generate learning to be able to regulate emotions, consider the consequences of actions, think before acting and take into account the feelings of others. It takes an average of 25 years to be finished.

This explanation of the brain provides clarity and peace of mind. Yes, our children's house is “under construction”, and we can take advantage of every daily situation to help them furnish their upper floor: are you nervous? I teach you to relax, result. Our son has placed a nice, cheerful painting in his library. Do I help you think about alternatives and solutions to face a difficulty yourself? Your shelf of useful and practical books will increase. And so, day by day, year by year, with patience, our children will shape their particular and unique home.

This way you can see and experience the education of your children as an exciting process in which we can learn from any event. Because as one of the basic criteria of Positive Discipline states: “mistakes are wonderful opportunities for improvement.” What a liberation! Yes, we can learn from everything and any fact is useful if we are able to extract the learning from it.

And with this approach, let's try not to despair in everyday life when we see that the results are not what we would like, or do not come as soon as we would like. Let's focus our attention and energy on reading, positively, what we have experienced, to contribute one more element so that that house is solid, firm and safe for our child when he or she becomes an adult.

In short, our child's brain is a house under construction and that is why it is important to help him live life's events as learning and in a positive way so that he can complete his house with the skills and abilities that will help him become an emotionally healthy and happy adult.

Carolina Huerta Ecenarro, family coach, parent educator in Positive Discipline and collaborator of “El Mundo de Mozart”