We notice how our daughters grow and their efforts to do so quickly and to appear older than they really are. And we find it funny, but what happens when they reach puberty? That our arsenal of creams, brushes and cosmetics is assaulted by some no longer so childish hands, and mom's girl smears and smears herself with the wildest colors of the season until she looks like a cake.
Sometimes memory betrays us
Does it really seem so strange to us? Where do we keep photos of our past 14 years? Those bell-bottom pants, elastic high-heeled boots, colorful eyelines and the miniskirts that drove grandma crazy... Could it be that our memory is failing us? A few years ago Madonna was an idol; then came the Spice Girls and the top models; Now it is the bloggers and YouTubers who occupy the stardom of the most desired, envied and, of course, imitated.
As their personalities develop, the teenage girls try on images like dresses, trying to find themselves. And, of course, they dress up in the most diverse clothes and use makeup to look like the character they feel in love with.
To make matters worse, they are in a transition stage in which their body is also learning to form: they grow almost suddenly, their skin becomes oily and prone to pimples, and body hair makes its odious appearance.
The most normal reaction is to camouflage all those novelties that are not more bearable because they are temporary. Before they feel overwhelmed, good communication is essential: it is the golden opportunity to chat with our daughter from woman to woman. Some parents fear that their daughter will dress up like a young girl because, consciously or unconsciously, they are afraid of the dangers that her new condition entails: night outings, relationships with boys, alcohol...Sometimes they refuse to accept that their daughter She is no longer such a child and the endless discussions begin. If they forbid her to wear makeup, it won't be unusual for her to end up meeting her friends at one of their houses to change clothes and putting on full makeup in front of the elevator mirror.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg; if she is forced to lie, she will end up accepting it as a necessary part of her life. It does not seem like a good way to consolidate a relationship that can be so beneficial for the entire family.
The reality is that our children grow up and, as hard as it may sometimes be, the most valuable help we can offer them is to put our experience to their advantage. They will surely thank us.
Without feeling criticized for everything
The role of a mother is not to criticize, but to value and advise. Getting angry because she puts on too much makeup is the quickest way for her to hide, lie, and put on even more makeup.
How can we help our daughter find an image that makes her feel comfortable and attractive?
- It's a good idea to talk to her about what suits her and what doesn't and help her groom herself according to her characteristics, highlighting her strong points and hiding her weaknesses (surely they are considerably less than what she sees).
- Let's explain to her that women put on makeup, above all, to look younger, so she has half of the way solved. And that layers of makeup end up with the most radiant complexion. Not loading the inks often guarantees a flawless result.
- It is better to buy your own makeup accessories with her (and also cleansing milk, eye makeup remover, moisturizer...) so that you don't have to resort to ours. It's about starting her in the ritual without damaging her skin (there are specific cosmetic lines for teenagers).
- Moisturizing creams with some color, translucent powders, shiny carmines and perhaps a few strokes of mascara are the most appropriate for their age. But let's not impose our criteria: it is about their image and their necessary social participation.
- Let's investigate your skin type together. In case of problems, such as acne, let's take her to the dermatologist.
- The best and most fun thing? Reserve one day a month to turn the dressing table at home into a laboratory. Experimenting – mother and daughter – with cosmetics, hairstyles, clothes... forms a very positive part of that aspect of their life. This way, she will be the first to ask us for advice before going out with friends and the typical discussion will be happily drowned out by dialogue and mutual understanding.
- And if, despite the advice, our daughter persists in wearing more paint than a door, calm down and be patient, because she won't last more than a couple of years. Let us remember that all of us, without exception, have gone through the experience. And it hasn't been that bad.
Advisor: Guillermo Kozameh, psychoanalyst.
The Best Building Block Sets for Creative Kids and Adult Collectors
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