My son wants to be popular at school! What can we parents do? 2026

Sofía's mother one day asked her daughter why she never invited any of her school friends home. Suddenly Sofía burst into tears and declared that no one wanted to talk or go out with her.

Being admitted among peers, having a position in the gang, is very important during puberty. If friends are always fundamental for a child, in adolescence friendships become closer and more intense than at any other time in life. It is normal, therefore, that the issue occupies a priority place among the concerns of girls and boys of this age.

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What makes them popular?

Various studies have been carried out on the qualities that make adolescents attractive and popular among their peers. In girls, physical beauty, wearing attractive clothes, being socially skilled, and attracting boys occupy a prominent place.

Academic success, on the other hand, does not seem to count for much at these ages (although it will matter later). As for boys, the most appreciated traits are, apparently, athletic ability, masculinity and, again, social ability (we will return to what this mysterious faculty is later). And for both sexes it seems important to have certain material possessions, such as computers and video games.

Every parent would want their daughter or son to enjoy a good level of social acceptance among their peers. How to help you do this, however, is a slippery slope that is not always easy to get right. A good way not to be mistaken is to discard the false impression that social success depends on a kind of chic arrogance. On the contrary, the most solid basis for being loved and accepted lies in the ability to emotionally tune in with others. It is about developing empathy or, to use a fashionable expression, cultivating what they call emotional intelligence.

The true qualities that determine the social success of a girl or a boy are joy and good character, but above all sensitivity to the desires and needs of others, and a certain confidence in their resources, as it gives them security.

For example, there is a better way to gain acceptance than slavishly following leaders or stars in your class, and that is to side with the weak.

If our child witnesses a classmate being marginalized, mistreated or mocked by others, let's encourage him to lend a hand, be kind to him, help him get out of his situation (reporting it to adults if necessary) and let him feel proud of it.

Does the family influence whether you like it badly or well?

It is important to know that good family relationships establish a solid foundation so that children can perform well in relationships with their peers.

When there is warm emotional support at home, when the rules are accompanied by the corresponding explanation and the formulas of courtesy and consideration for others are also taught – without falling to the extreme of being a pipi –, children find better communication and acceptance among their friends.

In contrast, a despotic educational style and a tense environment are more frequently found in the homes of children who are rejected by their peers.

What is social skill?

Before we referred to it as a factor that facilitates the popularity of girls and boys among their colleagues. It would be more accurate to talk about a set of skills: knowing how to resolve conflicts between friends; Communicate with them in a friendly, sensitive and cooperative way; ask for explanations of a partner's reaction instead of responding abruptly; adapt to the functioning of a group when you want to be part of it...

We could still make a more detailed list of the characteristics that make a boy popular among his peers: knowing how to downplay conflicts, being good at organizing games and activities in general, knowing how to listen, having a sense of humor, giving compliments...

Among the qualities that are looked for in a friend are also someone who is happy and friendly, who is not bossy, who shares his things, who sticks up for his friends, who does not suddenly change his mood from one day to the next...

Too many qualities? It is possible, but you do not necessarily have to possess them all or become the leader of all the groups. However, it is important for parents to know them, because they may have to advise their children if they see them very disoriented in their relationships.

Of course, in these matters you have to be discreet and very tactful, because the boy must be the protagonist of his social life, especially in adolescence, and it is not good to be on top, overprotecting him and directing his behavior. They need autonomy, and overprotection is another characteristic that occurs in many unpopular and rejected children. But let's not forget what we have said about how a good family climate helps children learn how to be accepted among their friends.

A common characteristic of popular kids is that they usually have parents who support them and help them in everything. If our child has very little contact with those his age, perhaps it is worth talking to him, explaining what things irritate others and suggesting how to be pleasant, what topics of conversation may interest others, etc.

In certain cases, a discreet exchange of views with your teacher, who sometimes has the power to influence the social life of the class, can be very helpful.