When you already have two or more children, and you become pregnant again, it is normal for you to consider how it is possible to build bonds between siblings, especially with the imminent arrival of a new member to the family. As parents, we always tend to worry about how the siblings will accept the baby, and to ensure that everything goes as well as possible, the relationship they have with each other is, to say the least, essential.
There is no point in worrying about the acceptance of the new baby if we have not first taken care of establishing strong and sincere bonds between them, full of love and empathy. In short, strong and healthy ties.
Feeling jealous of the new member of the family is something absolutely normal, which in fact becomes a normal rite of passage for most first-born children. However, the way parents handle it can affect whether children see their new sibling as a friend, or an enemy in the future. And things can get a little more complicated if there is more than one child in the family.
The truth is that building bonds between siblings during pregnancy, and when a new baby arrives in the family, does not tend to differ much from the strategies and guidelines that we should follow when we are not pregnant. Although, obviously, there are a series of important nuances that it is essential to keep in mind and take into account.
1. Let the siblings actively participate in the pregnancy
It is normal that, when you arrive with the baby in your arms after 9 months of pregnancy, the siblings feel like a strange member that they must get used to. Suddenly, when you walked out the door with symptoms of giving birth, the baby was in your belly, and now you have him in your arms. How to make that transition easier?
It is essential that siblings actively participate in some important moments of pregnancy. If possible, it is a good idea for you to go to an appointment where you can see your sibling in the womb through an ultrasound. Or, if this is not possible, ask the specialist to record the test in a digital file so that you can watch it calmly at home.
It can also help a lot if siblings are involved in the preparations for the new baby's arrival at home. For example, if the child is going to have his or her own room, let them be the ones to help us prepare it, either by painting the room or arranging their clothes and furniture.
2. Let them touch your tummy and feel the baby
During pregnancy, siblings, especially the youngest ones, tend to feel a little “strange” because they know that there is a little brother inside their mother's belly, but they are not so aware because, yet, they cannot see or feel him.
As the belly begins to grow, and especially from the moment you begin to feel the baby's first kicks, a good idea is to let his siblings touch the belly and feel how it moves and flutters. It is the best way to, at least, make them feel closer.
3. Never compare them to each other
There is nothing worse for a healthy sibling bond than comparisons. And, on this specific occasion, the saying “comparisons are hateful” stands out at its best.
If, furthermore, we tend to do it quite often, we run the risk that children end up valuing their own worth by how they compare to others. Not in vain, you probably know that if we are told something often enough, eventually we tend to start believing it. And children are especially sensitive in this sense.
Therefore, if they are continually hearing that they do not behave as well as their brother, they will tend to solidify that belief in their own identity, turning it into a kind of “prophecy.”
4. Teach to respect your own differences
Comparison, in most cases, tends to not be a very good thing. However, pointing out the strengths of each child becomes on this occasion an excellent way to get your children to recognize themselves and appreciate the positive side of their own differences, noticing each of the most wonderful and unique things about their brother.
In short, it is essential to try to point out the positive aspects whenever we can.
5. Give each child their own physical space
Especially among several siblings, it is essential that each child have their own physical space. If possible, the ideal is for each person to have their own room, although it does not have to be a complete room.
For example, if two siblings live in the same room, or all three when the baby is much older, the ideal is to make each one have their own corner, their own personal refuge where they know that, when they need it, they can be alone and in peace.
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