Forms of aggression that many adults normalize according to Álvaro Bilbao 2026

On some occasions we have all seen some attitudes on the part of fathers or mothers that have shocked us, bothered us or seemed reprehensible to us. Perhaps we have even seen ourselves engaging in this behavior. However, many adults downplay these attitudes or ways of proceeding and do not consider that they can be forms of aggression.

Screaming, slapping, slapping or shaming children, for example, are forms of aggression. It is common to hear things like “for once nothing happens”, “it is normal”, “sometimes there is no other choice”… Let's try to justify it however we may, the truth is that they are forms of aggression towards children, the problem is that on many occasions they are normalized. This is what Álvaro Bilbao, neuropsychologist, father of three children, author of several education books and a great pedagogical reference for thousands of fathers and mothers, defends. The expert assures in his Instagram account that “many times these forms of aggression occur because it is the way we were taught and in many cases we see them as so normal... We don't even think that they are forms of aggression!”, but we must be aware that they are and that they have consequences for children.

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It is important to analyze ourselves and detect if we behave this way with our children to correct our mistakes. There are times when we lose patience and our nerves can play tricks on us in extreme situations, but as Álvaro Bilbao explains in his account in response to comments from some of his followers, “the more aware we are of what children feel, the more difficult it will be for us to cross certain lines.” Furthermore, we must keep in mind that with them we achieve nothing and they only tend to worsen the situation and do not make the child understand what they have done or what they should not do. And even more important: trying to educate on the basis of inflicting harm should never be an option.

We are going to talk about some of those forms of aggression that according to Álvaro Bilbao tend to be normalized by many adults and their negative effects on children:

Slap or smack

How many times have we heard that "A slap in time..." As Álvaro Bilbao explains in his Instagram post, "Slap, slap or smack. They are all words that describe a blow that we give with the palm of the hand to the face. They intend to educate by inflicting harm on the child and that is why they are an attack."

colleja or capon

Many adults use a slap or a capon at some point as a “warning” to children to pay attention, wake up or be attentive. However, it is a form of aggression that should be avoided: "a slap or a slap may seem like unimportant behavior... but they are not. A slap (hitting the neck) or a slap (hitting the head with the knuckles) are usually used to express disapproval or mark a limit. Even if they are not as strong as a slap, they are still an attack because we inflict harm on the child to achieve it," explains the expert on his Instagram account.

Disqualify

Surely the phrase “Are you stupid or what's wrong with you?” sounds familiar to more than one of you. and others of that style. "Insulting, disqualifying, disrespecting or calling names are forms of emotional aggression. The adult who insults and disqualifies a child seeks to cause discomfort in the child so that he or she obeys him," the expert explains to his followers on the social network. We must keep in mind that there are not only physical attacks, there are also emotional ones.

Shame

For many adults, considering shaming a child as a form of aggression may be exaggerated, but it is not, especially if we take into account what the adult is looking for by doing so and how damaging it can be for the child's self-esteem: "You don't realize anything. Shaming or belittling with expressions like this is a form of invisible aggression. The child's body does not receive blows or show marks, but his self-esteem is destroyed little by little. Do not belittle your children so that they will listen to you," the neuropsychologist advises in the post on forms of aggression shared on his Instagram.

scream

We have talked on many occasions that shouting is not a good ally in children's education and can greatly undermine the child's confidence and self-esteem, in addition to learning that things can be achieved by shouting: "Yes. Screaming is also a form of aggression. When you shout you cause fear, you make the child scared and you intimidate with the volume of your voice. Would you be okay with his teacher shouting at him? If your boss shouted at you? If you don't approve of the shout or the threat as form of relationship valid for other people, do not use it with your children," advises Álvaro Bilbao.

Exclude or set aside

“Go against the wall.” Punishments or habits like these are very common among some parents, however, they are not recommended: "There are few things as terrifying for a small child as feeling separated (physically or psychologically) from their parents. Leaving them outside or telling them that you don't love them are perceived by the brain as authentic aggression. Express your anger without taking them away from your side," recommends Álvaro Bilbao in his Instagram post.

break things

Sometimes children damage our things and that can make us very angry, however, paying them in kind “so they can see what it feels like,” as many people say, is not a good idea. "I'm going to throw your stickers in the trash. Psychologically our belongings are an extension of ourselves. No matter how small the child is, no matter how little economic value their things have, breaking them, damaging them or throwing them in the trash is perceived as a full-blown aggression. I'm sure that you would feel attacked if someone hit your car with a golf club, so don't damage their belongings," explains the expert.

physical assault

Knowing how to detect what a physical aggression is is something that is very simple, very obvious, although we have already seen that with gestures such as the slap or the capon we can tend to minimize its importance. It must be very clear that when something is done with the intention of causing harm or fear in the child, it is a form of aggression.

emotional aggression

Emotional aggression towards children is sometimes more difficult to identify for some adults, however, as Álvaro Bilbao explains in his Instagram post, it really is simple: "when we inflict physical or emotional harm on a child to subdue him, to make him respect a rule or to vent our frustration, we are committing aggression."

Positive strategies

It is important to try to establish positive strategies to relate to children and try to educate positively, since the results are always much more effective than resorting to punishments, yelling, threats or constant fighting.