Children of this age are called shy, but in reality what happens is that they are 'socially selective': some interact with everyone without much problem and others decline any invitation to interact with anyone other than dad and mom or, at most, grandma.
A stage of great changes
At this stage a very important moment takes place in the lives of small children: they begin to stop being small. We think we know what our son is like. But we are in a stage of great changes. So there is no need to rush and much less try to model his character, since he is changeable and we have a long journey ahead of us.
Our son's emotional development has been based on his relationship with his parents (and fundamentally with his mother). He will explore other relationships when he is ready to do so. At this age, the child begins to realize that he is someone. A stage begins in which he tries to impose himself on small daily acts such as not wanting to put on a diaper or not wanting to bathe.
It is the age of 'no' and it is the age of 'me alone'. But also, logically, it is the age of fear. Fear of strangers, of the big world out there, of all those 'others' who have suddenly appeared in your life. The word 'shy' can have many meanings, so it is important to know what we mean when we think that our child is shy: Does he not like other children? Are you embarrassed when an adult addresses you? Are you afraid of doing new things? Are you inhibited by changes?
Because?
What we call shyness is often not shy. Many of these behaviors usually have a natural explanation:
It is better to dispense with labels: 'He is very affectionate with his father and me', 'he prefers the tranquility of the home', 'he is a very peaceful child'.
Act with patience
It means tolerating their refusals, their indecisions, their logical fears and their setbacks. This is acting:
Put yourself in your place
We must try to feel what he feels and provide him with a physical and emotional environment in which he feels safe. With good doses of both things, in a few months, children advance in all areas.
Other times their shyness is a simple matter of character: just as there are very talkative children, there are tremendously observant, tenacious, cuddly ones... There are as many ways of being as there are people in the world and our children are no exception.
When to worry?
In some cases, excessive shyness may indicate some anomaly.
Violeta Alcocer is a psychologist.
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