Dad isn't helping, How can I get him to do it ? 2026

It is true that today dads are much more involved than thirty years ago. They no longer lose their rings when changing and bathing their baby, something that was previously unthinkable for a man. However, there is still no total, real and practical implication.

Typically, the father returns to work after paternity leave and the mother stays home alone with the child. And let her be the one who gets up several times at night to give him his feed, to calm him down or simply to check if he is breathing. It is true that many dads who start working continue to get up at night to take care of the child so that mom can rest, but others... don't even know what is happening.

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The child belongs to both of us

When dad is so absent-minded you have to get to work. We can spend our lives waiting for them to deduce that we are tired because the circles under our eyes reach to our knees or our hair is disheveled, without them even noticing when we go to the hair salon. They will always see us beautiful. They will never suspect that we are exhausted or that we need their help until we say it to their face and loudly. He who does not cry does not suck, and never better said.

The problem arises when the father refuses to participate, not because he does not love the child but because he thinks that this is not his responsibility, that “it is a woman's thing.” Sexist mentalities that fortunately are few, but they remain and that sometimes simply cover up the fear of handling the newborn (they see him so fragile that they fear harming him).

They are just as lost and scared as we are. Sometimes they just need a little push to take care of the baby. You can start by leaving the child in your arms for a while at the end of the day, so that the baby gets used to your heat, your smell and your voice (even if you sing Luis Miguel songs to him).

At first dad may find it tiring after his work day, but in a few days he will no longer be able to do without that wonderful little time with his little one that provides so much peace of mind and happiness and that he will not repeat again at least until he has another child and will want more.

Each one in their own way

Other parents try to get away with the argument that they don't know how to do it. «This diaper thing is a mess, I'm going to put them on backwards, you'll see. "It's better that you take care of it." «I'm very bad at fastening so many buttons and, furthermore, I'm very bad at combining colors. You dress it better, okay?

If we enter this game, we are lost. Is the color combination not ideal? Well, the baby is comfortable and happy because his dad dressed him lovingly. That's what's important. What makes it regular? Well, we explain how to do it and the next time it will turn out better.

You don't have the skill with a baby until you practice it, women are not born learned in maternal chores, we learn them by practicing them.

Men can and should also learn to change diapers, prepare bottles, bathe, take them to the pediatrician and find out... We must let them make mistakes (in things of little importance, of course) as happens to us and in two days they will be expert childcare providers.

Skin to skin with dad

Caresses, massages and kisses encourage the physical, neurological and emotional development of the newborn and help them feel safe and happy. Who better than dad, besides mom, to shower him with hugs and affection?

Behind the cold and distant image of some men, there is almost always a loving father. Nothing prevents it in privacy, although if it is done in public it is always a touching image. When bathing your child, changing him or, if you have the opportunity, giving him a bottle, you can expand at your leisure and at the same time begin to create that important bond that many parents envy between mother and child.

Luz Bartivas is the author of Mama Bear Syndrome